I’m hot and tired this August 2007. I chalk it up to the fact that I’m about to host a three-day, off-site orientation for hundreds of incoming freshmen for the university where I work.
All I want is a nap, but I power through—there’s work to be done.
After it’s done by sheer willpower, I go home to sleep. The next day, I head to my annual doctor’s appointment. We do all the doctorly things, and then she walks in and tells me, “Congratulations! You’re 11 weeks pregnant.”
What?!?!? Eleven weeks?
How does a woman not know there’s another person growing inside of her? How was I so oblivious?
This, my friends, is how I feel about emotions on a regular basis. I have them in my heart, but I don’t even know they’re there like that 11-week-old baby. I’m too busy powering through and getting work done to recognize what’s going on inside of me.
After observing this tendency of mine, I wonder: Why do we choose to power through?
Why feel unpleasant emotions when you can simply stuff them down? Why uncover feelings when you can lock them away and hope that they sort themselves out?
Our culture today promotes and praises “doing” robots. We look at the calendar and go where we’re supposed to, when we’re supposed to. We don’t think, we do. We don’t feel, we produce.
We are a generation on auto-pilot.
Activity isn’t the only culprit when it comes to ways we avoid emotions. We also invalidate them (They’re fickle! Don’t trust ’em!), tell ourselves that emotions only slow us down from goal-achievement, or believe that emotions are bad (Good Christian girls never get mad. Gentleness only!).
As one who likes to think she’s unflappable, I ask: How does powering through mess us up?
“Emotions are internal indicators of how we are doing and what is right, and what is wrong, with our circumstances and relationships,” writes Adam S. McHugh in The Listening Life
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Emotions are God-given clues to what’s going on inside of us, and yet, we’d rather power through them. This is a big mistake for three reasons:
1. Powering through leaves us numb, unaware, and operating out of old scripts that no longer serve us.
When we hide from the truth, the Holy Spirit can’t do His work within us. We turn to drinks, food, volunteerism, exercise, and work to keep us numb.
2. Powering through means we miss parts of our story that God wants to heal.
Our emotions are like an iceberg, some feelings run close to the surface while others stay submerged, unreached by Jesus’ healing touch.
“[By powering through,] you may be ignoring what God is trying to tell you, running from parts of you that He wants to heal and parts of Him that He longs to have known by you,” writes Curt Thompson in Anatomy of the Soul
3. Powering through means we become less human.
Instead of becoming more and more ourselves, we become less and less human as we deny our pain and feelings. We wear our smiley-face on the outside as our insides scream that all is not well.
But what happens when you can’t power through any more?
Eight weeks before our wedding, my grandmother died. Six weeks later, my grandfather (her husband) died. Guess how much grieving I did?
Zero.
Not because I didn’t love them, but there was too much to power-through: contracts to execute, a dress to fit, showers to attend, and an aisle to walk down.
About two weeks after our honeymoon, my new husband walked into the bedroom to see his sobbing wife. The tears could no longer be will-powered away. The emotions wouldn’t step aside until after the thank-you notes had been written. The grief couldn’t be ushered out the door.
All I could do was sit in the sadness and sob.
I’ve learned through time, study, and reflection that emotions are God’s not-so-subtle reminders that I need Him. Every hour. My emotions now gently push me into prayer to hold the peace He offers. They’re reminders of my smallness and His strength.
I need to know: What’s the opposite of powering through?
Here’s my old feelings philosophy: Only weak people show emotion, and you, my dear, are not weak. Power through them.
I’m replacing that philosophy with a new one:
Showing emotion isn’t weakness just as powering through isn’t strength.
My emotions are simply my cue to fall at the feet of Jesus, take to Him whatever I’m feeling, and ask Him where He is in all of this mess. But I don’t want to do this. I’d rather have power, control, and self-reliance.
Yet this is how Jesus does His work within me. His light shines through my humanity. His grace comes alongside me. His hope anchors the parts of my heart that are wind-whipped by anger, sadness, fear, and anxiety.
When I submit to Him, He gently peels back the weakness and exposes His strength. God in me. God before me. God behind me.
God with me.
So what’s the end of the story? What happens when you’re done powering through?
It’s been almost 10 years since I found out that I was nearly a full-trimester along with our first daughter. When it came to our second baby, I knew within four weeks that I was pregnant…I try not to repeat mistakes, friends!
Here’s my hope for us:
May we learn from our past to better position us for the future.
May we step out of numbness toward abundance.
May we submit to Christ’s mighty, healing work by accepting our weakness.
May we accept that our humanity means we’ll show emotion.
May we welcome our emotions as the signals that they are, the path that leads us to our always-strong, forever-listening, eternally-loving God.
Click here to get a free download of resources I’ve compiled that’ve helped me understand the power of emotions.
