By the time we took the girls to Disneyworld in 2012, I had planned that trip for almost a year. I made dining reservations, checked crowd calendars, and had a disturbingly deep knowledge of the FastPass system. Planning this trip made the logistical ninja in me so very, very happy.
Then the day of Disney arrived. We lined up outside the park for rope drop, and I couldn’t wait to see the smile on the girls’ faces as we walked down Main Street to see Cinderella’s Castle.
But it’s not just our girls I brought into the park—I had my Disney-planning file folder on hand as well.
Let me repeat: I brought a file folder into Disneyworld… one with tabs, cross-references, and color-coding.
My goal was to create the most magical experience for the girls, but in the process, I focused less on them and more on what I wanted them to experience.
This logistical-ninja-level obsession didn’t just travel with me to Disney. I carry it daily as I care less about people and more about meeting expectations.
Expectations. We all have them.
I had really high expectations for Disney, and as we enter the holiday season, I’m realizing I have really high expectations for the holidays too. Here’s what Facebook friends told me about their holiday expectations:
- My gifts will be thoughtful and personal, within budget, and purchased before Thanksgiving.
- Everyone will be happy.
- Everything will go perfectly.
- Every minute will be magical.
Yep. I get it.
Expectations are officially the worst because they hurt our hearts and make us feel terrible.
My Disney planning craziness is a classic example of how I miss the forest our girls enjoying the magic of Disney for the trees FastPass says that we leave now…throw away your ice cream cone!
Expectations are not standards—they’re what we anticipate. Expectations not only make us feel certain ways (none good), but they push us into doing what we wouldn’t normally do.
Friends, here are three ways that expectations can ruin your holiday season.
1. Expectations pressure us so that we feel guilty, hopeless, and overwhelmed.
When our girls were little, I felt pressure to establish family Christmas traditions, a.k.a. my 25 days of Christmas fiasco. When I couldn’t keep up the pace, I felt guilt about ruining their childhoods.
2. Expectations demand to be met leaving us either exhausted or elated.
Expectations are bossy bullies, never letting us rest until they’re satisfied. Staying up late in the nights leading up to Christmas morning to make and wrap Pinterest-perfect presents left me empty and bone-tired.
3. Expectations kill our relationships and leave us disconnected.
When I focus on meeting expectations, I dismiss my people. At Disney, I cared more about staying on schedule than how my girls felt and whether they were having fun. Expectations, even those around Christmas, are extremely self-focused. We focus more on creating the “perfect” holiday meal, tradition, etc. that reflects on us as parents and hostesses than on the hearts of our people.
And yet, we still find a way to believe that expectations are harmless every time the holiday season rolls around.
As a try-hard girl with good intentions, at Disney and in life, I fail to see how expectations are bad. In fact, I think they’re harmless and reasonable.
I mean, what does it even look like to not have expectations? In my mind, it looks like giving up. Or falling behind. Or settling for mediocre because expectations are an impetus for excellence.
But this isn’t what Jesus says about expectations.
Expectations are taskmasters, and you know what Christ does to taskmasters?
He drowns them.
In the story of the enslaved Israelites, God partners with Moses to set His people free. Pharaoh finally relents, but once his labor pool is gone, he gives chase. The 2 million Israelites can’t outrun Egyptian chariots, so God parts the Red Sea, the people walk through, and God swallows up the taskmasters.
God liberates His people and drowns their taskmasters.
God gives freedom to His people. When you believe in and follow Christ as your Savior, you’re His people too. He wants you free, not bullied by the taskmasters of expectations. But why does God want you free? So you can wrap one more present? Drink one more hot cocoa? No, He wants you free to worship Him.
God’s the One who killed the taskmasters. I think it’s my responsibility to do more and try harder. For example, I tell myself to have fewer expectations, but God teaches us that He’s the One who drowns the taskmasters. Our part is to obey and to trust that He’ll handle it. I’m not responsible for ridding myself of taskmasters, but I am responsible to obey.
So if expectations are what we all have, what hurt our hearts, what isn’t harmless, and they want to ruin our holiday season, what do we do with them?
We take them to Jesus and ask ourselves questions:
- What expectations are making you feel exhausted and overwhelmed?
- How can you practically let them go?
- What does love require of you this Christmas?
- What does freedom look like right now?
- Are you willing to walk away from expectations and to allow God to get rid of what’s hurting your heart?
Expectations don’t have to enslave us.
By the time we took the girls to Disneyworld in 2012, my expectations were sky high. I wanted happiness, perfection, and magic…Is that really too much to ask?
You might have similar expectations for this holiday season, but we don’t have to live enslaved one more minute. Let’s recognize and investigate our expectations and then hand them over to Christ. Let’s allow Him to kill off what is unnecessary this season. Let’s focus on people so we can ignore expectations.
Don’t miss the magic of Disney – or your life – by living under expectations you can’t meet. Enjoy the experience as you let go of the expectations.
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Dear Jill,
I love your blog, your honesty.
Learning to listen has always been a difficult lesson throughout my life although it’s getting easier because at my age, energy is a premium and I’m more thoughtful as to how I expend it. What does that have to do with your topic of expectations? When my sons were children, each successive holiday taught me what had been special to each child. And it wasn’t always what I expected. So I began to listen very carefully, hearing, not through my ears but through their experiences. I had been trying to recreate my ideal childhood holidays (which weren’t always ideal) and thankfully ended by incorporating their (and their Dad’s too!) dreams and anticipations and expectations. It became less about me and more about them which increased my (and their) happiness exponentially. I’m not talking about material things: huge piles of toys, etc., but creating satisfying family customs.
I’ve not always taken time to listen, to hear that small voice of the Spirit, either, to my dismay. Because when I do, life and it’s joys and sorrows are never faced alone. It’s not all about me.
Hope I’ve made sense! If not, please feel free to delete this comment.
Blessings,
Shirley Colton
Shirley, you made PERFECT sense! I love how you listened to what your kids wanted, and that in loving others, you got the most joy! What a gift. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this truth with us. SO GOOD! Keep sharing and keep reading! -jill
I’m totally guilty of over-planning a Disney trip too lol! I had my poor husband running ragged to each ride… 😉 Thanks for your authenticity and encouragement, it takes the weight off one’s shoulders! Worldly or selfish expectations definitely lead to disappointment, but it is amazing to think that God will never fail…and we can always expect Him to do good. Christmas Blessings my friend!
Dani- God will never fail. So true! He is good and works all for our good – AMEN sister amen! -jill
Jill – this is such a great reminder of how our expectations can ruin just about anything – even a trip to Disneyworld! It took me years to realize that the words “good enough” weren’t me giving up and accepting the seconds, but instead give me permission to stop obsessing over trying to reach perfection and enjoy what’s happening right in front of me. So this year I’m aiming for a “good enough” Christmas and I can’t wait to see what unfolds. Thank you for your encouraging words!
Jody, Will you report back on your “good enough” Christmas??!?! I can’t wait to hear all about it! -jill
Ah yes. I go over something similar in tomorrow’s post. I’ve learned to let go of my high expectations and go with the flow. It’s easier to love that way.
Natalie, I can’t wait to read your post! Yes, it’s hard to let them go, but you’re right: so much easier to love that way. -jill
Yes!!! This is so key! My expectations can ruin everything. Love this Jill!
Keri- Expectations are so powerful. They have the power to ruin or we can relax them and love and enjoy! -jill
Excellent post, Jill. Hit me right square between the eyes. I need to give my expectations to Jesus rather than allowing those expectations to rule my family’s Christmas experience.
Erin- Thank you so much! Yes!!! Giving those expectations to Jesus is key! -jill