I’m writhing in pain at the hospital. While the diagnosis is clearly pancreatitis, the reason for it can’t be deduced by the scientific method, found in a textbook, or reduced to a singular cause. The doctors have no idea why I’m here, and I want to scream:

I do it right! I follow all the self-care best practices… why is this happening?!

For many, the stakes are far higher than a diagnosis that requires an IV drip. You’ve done your marriage right, but he leaves. You drove your son to church, but now find yourself driving him to rehab. You serve others and give generously, but still, the diagnosis comes.

So what do we do when we live right, and things still fall painfully apart?

Before our pain, we’re obsessed with doing it right.

I did everything I could to not end up in the hospital. I’m a fan of best practices because I want to execute a quality strategy for best results, but doing the right thing isn’t right when it becomes an obsession.

“If… you believe that God ought to bless you and help you because you have worked so hard to obey Him and be a good person, then Jesus may be your helper, your example, even your inspiration, but He is not your Savior,“ writes Timothy Keller in Prodigal God. ”You are serving as your own Savior.”

When we’re obsessed with working hard to do things right, we miss Jesus. The do-more, try-hard life causes us to miss God’s love, redemption, and mercy. Many of us have knowledge about God and how He wants things done, but we lack relationship, so we get lost in the feelings that come next.

In the midst of our pain, we feel shame wondering what we did wrong.

In the hospital, I grappled with what I had done to bring this on. It’s easy to feel shame when we believe we haven’t measured up to our own standards or outside expectations. And when God’s love is abstract and without real power in our own life, we feel guilt.

Guilt is what our enemy wants us feeling. He also wants us to be stuck in the past, replaying scenes that can never be rewound, and wallowing in regret, resentment, and bitterness. Pain brings these things to the surface, and we search for an explanation.

Throughout our pain, we’re preoccupied with knowing why.

As doctors circulated in and out, my brain zeroed in on why. Our brains are wired to make sense of God’s place in our situation. Unanswered questions loop around and around in our brains causing us to feel unsettled.

But more than an answer to why, we want these assurances:

  1. Certainty that we’re okay.
  2. Hope that, if we confront what we’re feeling, we won’t be overwhelmed.

As we work through the pain in our lives, let’s take these two assurances to heart:

1. You’re okay.

You’re okay because you’re held in the hands of your loving Father. Nothing—no height, no depth, nor any living creature—can take you away from Him.

You’re okay because God views you as “holy, righteous, and blameless; past, present, and future,” writes Priscilla Shirer in Fervent. “He forgives your guilt, removes your shame, and declares His work an established, all-the-time fact.”

2. You won’t be overwhelmed.

Only God — not willpower or time — can heal our hurt. Jesus wants to take our broken pieces and restore them, but we must hand them over to Him first. We live and move and breathe because God is always with us, and He’s healing us one layer at a time.

So when our pain comes to an end, what do we do? How do we start the healing?

We simply begin where we are.

I’ve created a list of helpful practices compiled from my personal experience and what Keller outlines in Walking through Pain and Suffering…’cause Tim and I are tight like that! Click here to get it.

We remember that no pain is without purpose.

Our goal when we’re in pain is to get out, but let’s not be too hasty. God uses pain to teach, convict, pursue, and bring us more into conformity with the image of His Son.

I’m no longer writhing in pain at the hospital, but the hard work is starting. I’m beginning to process through my need to get things right, my shame, and my disdain for mystery. But this I know to be true: God is good and loving before, during, and after the pain.

 

Links to the books mentioned (please know that I make a small commission, enough for a cup of coffee when you click and buy!)

Fervent: A Woman’s Battle Plan to Serious, Specific and Strategic Prayer

The Prodigal God: Recovering the Heart of the Christian Faith

Walking with God through Pain and Suffering

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