You have permission to opt out

This year has been the year of opting out. Here is my story of why I opted out, how I did it, and the fallout from letting go of what was never mine to hold.

In 2016, I opted out of a job, a rigorous workout schedule, being a room mom twice over, and taking kids to extracurricular activities. In these next few weeks, I will probably opt out of more requests than I will opt in to.

I have decided to opt out, which means that I am opting in to what God has asked me to do, and am letting go of all the “shoulds” so I can rest and be restored. 

Why am I opting out?

It started with feeling exhausted. When my brain didn’t listen to my soul, my body did. It was telling me that I didn’t have the physical energy needed to meet all these expectations, you know all the ones God never gave. Because God is the opposite of the slave drivers the Israelites had known in Egypt, God commanded, “during the seventh year, let the land lie unplowed and unused” (Exodus 23:11). Why would God say this? I mean, didn’t God give the land so it could be used to sustain them? Why not use it instead of letting it sit there? But God knows what I don’t: that rest is not only good, it’s necessary. The only one who doesn’t rest is God, and I ain’t Him. He also knows that when I’m enslaved by task, I’m not free to hear Him and do what He asks.

So Jill, what I hear you saying is that I should:
* Quit my job
* Drop out of extracurriculars
* Stop volunteering

No sweet friend, I am not. What am I saying is that you too can opt out of all the “shoulds” so you can rest.

I am hesitant to share this post because it could sound like a prescriptive infomercial, I did it. You should too! Money-back guarantee. But I firmly believe that women today are drowning under the weight of doing “shoulds” and meeting expectations. I believe that women today are exhausted, but are too afraid to rest. I also firmly believe that God calls us to share our stories. I hope that my story is a permission slip for your Achiever heart, one that says that you’re allowed to rest and that you don’t have to do everything you think you “should” or meet every expectation. Permission that reminds you that when you’re resting and being restored, you are becoming healthy and more like the you God designed you to be.

So how did I opt out?

Here are the basics:
1. I listened to my life and the promptings of the Holy Spirit. What brings you joy, what is wearing you out, and what brings your team/family together?
2. I obeyed what I heard.
3. Now I use these three questions to filter requests. Plus these: Who is expecting me to do the things I’m doing? Are these expectations realistic?

What’s the fallout of opting out?

In a culture that believes busyness is the status quo, I felt like I opted in to unchartered territory when I opted out.  As an Achiever, I haven’t stopped leading, organizing, doing, or participating in like 20 years. Wouldn’t I lose my identity by not doing? I felt like I was in the wilderness, just like the Israelites, where nothing felt right and everything looked new. I believe that God leads us into the wilderness to get us away from distraction (ahem, my overbooked schedule), to care for us, and to teach us about the new thing He has planned for us. What looked like the death of a familiar lifestyle has become a source of new life and hope for me.

During the summer, I didn’t have this view. I told my husband that this fall (meaning right now), would be “the fall of despair.” Why? Partly because I am dramatic, and partly because as someone who loves challenges, people, and busyness, I d-r-e-a-d-e-d the thought of staying home with only my ideas and a computer. I mean, wouldn’t I get sad and lonely without multiple commitments to get me out of the house and keep me focused?

Yet, the opposite is true. Team McCormick is taking in the benefits of opting out. Our pace is slower. This mom is less frazzled. I feel like I am actually loving my people instead of seeing them as projects to manage. There are fewer tears; oh, and the kids cry less too.

In this season of opting out, I see clearly how God swapped my busyness for His divine appointments. After school, I spend one-on-one time with each daughter, where 100% of my energy is focused on her. I spent a fall morning with a grieving friend, crying, making soup, running errands, laughing, and then crying some more.

Opting out feels both great and discombobulating, yet I know that the world is still spinning on its axis while my calendar is not spinning out of control.

My refusal to do all the things hasn’t left me lonely or behind. My refusal to do all the things has opened me up to do what God wants me to do. May we Go Rogue from the desire to do all the “shoulds”, and may we enjoy the rest to which He has called us.