I have the hardest time answering on-the-spot, superlative questions like, “What is your favorite movie?” or “What is your biggest challenge right now?” My problem is two-fold: 1. I overthink the answer because “favorite” and “biggest” seem really heavy, and I don’t want to get it wrong. 2. My mind goes blank and can’t think of any movie or challenge. It’s like nouns and experiences leave my brain completely.
So if you were to ask me, “Jill, what is your biggest need right now?” I would stare blankly at your face, and then I’d probably drift off into thinking about my grocery list.
Jesus talks with the woman at the well, you know the one with five husbands and a live-in boyfriend, about her biggest need in John 4. If you’d asked this woman about her need, she may have told you, “Water…because I’m at the well, it’s lunchtime, and everyone is super thirsty at my house.” She didn’t know her biggest need was the eternal thirst quencher, Jesus Himself.
As Achievers, we have a hard time pinpointing our needs.
We don’t know them because we’re so good at stuffing them down or we believe that we’re so self-sufficient that we don’t have need. I’m here to tell you that you do have needs. And if you’re anything like me, you need to be:
- Liked, approved, and rewarded.
- Viewed as tough, capable, and competent.
- Winners at anything and everything.
- And busy…because silence is scary.
If none of those resonate with you, another way to answer the “biggest need” question is to complete the “If only…” statement (Timothy Ateek, Breakaway Ministries). For example, “If only my kids behaved better, I wouldn’t get so frustrated,” or, “If only he didn’t travel so much, our marriage would be better,” or, “If only John could do his work on time, our team wouldn’t be so far behind.”
The answer to your “If only” statement reveals your biggest need.
We all have need-meeting wells. For the woman at the well, her well was the well of men. For others, it’s the thrill of the adventure or getting promoted or job-hopping until you get what you think you want. I, like most Achievers, go to the well of trying harder and doing more things.
Sometimes my little heart doesn’t even know its needs, so it’s just scrambling around for distractions like social media, Gilmore Girls, or straightening my house. I have needs, but rather than working to meet them, I try to assuage them.
In the Message paraphrase of Jeremiah 2:13, God says, “My people have committed a compound sin: they’ve walked out on me, the fountain of fresh flowing waters, and then dug cisterns—cisterns that leak, cisterns that are no better than sieves.” What is God saying here? He’s saying that, not only have we walked out on Him, we’ve found other leaky, perforated ways to try to fill us up.
Here’s the deal: we have a God-shaped hole, and we’ll use just about anything but Jesus to fill it.
So we expect finite things to carry the weight of our infinite souls and are shocked when they don’t.
“If only…” we whisper.
I believe that finite things cannot meet the needs of an infinite soul (Ben Stuart, Breakaway Ministries) because there are two main parts of us: a physical side and a spiritual side. We have the physical needs of food and rest. We also have spiritual needs like time spent with our Creator. When I try to fix my spiritual need for restoration and wholeness with a latte, I’m still dry on the inside and highly-caffeinated on the outside. We all use different things to try to carry the weight and meet the needs of our souls.
A job cannot carry the weight of your soul. Perfectly-dressed, straight-A kids cannot carry the weight of your soul. Money in your retirement account cannot carry the weight of your soul. The new outfit, house remodel, smaller waist, nicer neighbors, more friends, more likes, more shares, or good food cannot carry the weight of your soul.
But Jesus can.
Because in Him, through Him, for Him, and by Him all things were made and all things hold together. Proclaiming Jesus as my Savior is the first step, and the next is to keep trusting Him with my “If only____” answers. And as they evolve, I keep bringing them back to Him.
It’s ok if you can’t remember what your biggest challenges are. We all know that I can’t. But I hope the next time you’re asked about your biggest need, you remember that Jesus is the only One qualified to fill it.
I cannot tell you how much I loved this post, and how timely it was. Thank you for sharing your heart. (also, huge Gilmore Girls fan here too)
Thank you so much Beth for your kind words! When I write, I’m always preaching to myself!
I lived in a feedback culture for a year as a missionary. Every day I was with the same people twenty-four/seven for at least three months. I often got feedback “Say what you need.” It taught me to speak up for myself–even though I felt silly. To fight for myself–even when I was the only one. I don’t claim to be great at it (nope, definitely still a weakness) but I have value and worth and that makes my needs important.
Katie (H*W)
Katie, I am so proud of you as you train yourself to say what you need. It’s so hard, right? But so good to recognize yourself as an image bearer of Christ whose needs, wants, dreams, and desires are important. And always good to hear from a fellow h*w.
Love this Jill!
Thank you for your vulnerability.
Thank you Amy!