#83: Get Unstuck: Shame with Heather Davis Nelson

What’s the #1 way to get unstuck from shame? How are shame, conviction, and guilt different? And what are the two main default responses to shame, and how do you get unstuck?

Today we are talking about shame, and y’all shame is a place so many of us have stayed stuck. We can feel shame about anything and everything. We can feel shame about:

The choices in our past like having an abortion, committing adultery, or having sex before marriage,
what our body looks like (or doesn’t),
our parenting: what we allow, what we don’t, what rules we enforce, how much sugar is consumed, and how much screen-time we allow,
and about 1,000,001 other things like our housekeeping or how many unanswered emails are glaring at us from our in-box or that we haven’t had a quiet time in a week; we feel like all these “lapses” point to how we don’t have it all together in a world that demands that we do.

But what does God say about shame?

Grace says shame is not yours to carry.

Grace says Jesus nailed your sins to the cross and you bear them no more.

Grace says God doesn’t need an unblemished canvas to create a masterpiece.

Grace says shame doesn’t exist in the light of God’s complete, overwhelming, and eternal presence.

In this episode, Heather:

reminds us that God’s words are words of love and we can trust the Spirit to convict us; we don’t need to go looking for shame.
offers one next step you can take when you feel stuck in the shame of your past,
and shares freedom to all of us mamas who feel shame about every choice we make.

Key Quotes

“Shame is pervasive to identity and becomes interconnected with how you view yourself.” – Author Heather Davis Nelson
“Shames loves darkness and isolation. Anytime we begin to talk about it, its power begins to go away.” – Author Heather Davis Nelson
“Setting the lies of shame against the truth of scripture begins to change our hearts and minds.” – Author Heather Davis Nelson
“We’re doing the best we can, and tomorrow is a new day.” – Author Heather Davis Nelson
“So what does it look like to start off tomorrow thinking, ‘I’ve got new mercies today?’” – Author Heather Davis Nelson
“It’s about tuning out the crowd and cacophony of noises and tuning into the Spirit’s voice.” – Author Heather Davis Nelson
“God’s words are words of love, and if there are specific things, He’ll convict me of that. I don’t have to live out of this vague sense of ‘not good enough.’” – Author Heather Davis Nelson
“You can’t be afraid of making mistakes when you come to the canvas.” – Author Heather Davis Nelson
“The shame you’re dealing with is not from God. The way to fight it is to shine light.” – Author Heather Davis Nelson

Mentioned in the Podcast

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About Heather Davis Nelson

Heather (Davis) Nelson grew up in Greenville, South Carolina, where she returned in 2017 with her husband, Seth, who’s a dean at Erskine Seminary, and her twin daughters who are in 5th grade.

She ventured to the Chicagoland area for undergraduate studies in education at Wheaton College, and then to Philadelphia for graduate school at Westminster Theology Seminary, where she earned her M.A. in Biblical Counseling in 2007.

For more than a decade, Heather has counseled women, couples, and families through a variety of life’s struggles, including depression, anxiety, recovery from abuse, marital and family conflict, cross-cultural missions debriefing, and identity + calling.

Heather is also the author of Unashamed: Healing Our Brokenness and Finding Freedom from Shame and Domestic Abuse: Help For Victims

She enjoys family bike rides on the Swamp Rabbit Trail, coffee, reading, writing, and exploring the revitalized downtown of Greenville.