Fives, your superpower is data collection and analysis. You are the most analytic and strategic of all the types.
Your one powerful underlying motivation is to gather as much information and knowledge as you can in order to avoid feeling inadequate or incompetent.
When you are healthy and whole, you reflect God’s wisdom.
You can also grab this free resource about what the Enneagram is, what it isn’t, and what you want to know about your personality type. Your Quick Start Guide to the Enneagram walks you through how to determine your type, what’s up with wings, and Enneagram resources you’ll want to check out.
Please know that I’m not an Enneagram expert, merely a lover of it. What I present to you is based on my own research, feedback from men and women of each type, and peer review. If you learn better through audio, take a listen to this Grace In Real Life podcast episode with Enneagram Five Loretta Gjeltema.
All Things Five
Here’s the basic foundation you need to understand about yourself or about the Fives in your life. In this post, we cover what arouses anger in a Five, books for spiritual growth, what causes you stress at Christmas, your biggest fear, gift ideas, goal-setting, parenting, and what the pandemic of 2020 has been like for you.
What Fives believe
You believe that must have firm boundaries. You think spending time with people doesn’t enhance your life, it only depletes your energy. You may also fall into the trap of believing you lack agency.
Where Fives struggle
Fives, you struggle with expressing your emotions. You think in order to distance from your feelings so you can find privacy and security.
What makes you angry
Anger is a tricky thing for Type 5s because you focus more on information and less on emotion. When you do get angry, a lack of respect is what gets you there. You don’t do well with people wasting your time, invading your space, and making assumptions about you. You’ve spent a lot of time contemplating all the angles, analyzing data, and studying a problem so if your ideas are rejected, anger ensues.
As fellow Type 5 Linda Canup says, “If you want to trigger my anger, be someone important to me, talk down to me, tell me that what I think doesn’t matter, don’t listen, talk over me, insist you’re right and refuse to acknowledge my counter arguments or efforts at providing perspective. Then load me down with unrealistic expectations, especially unrealistic timelines.”
Your type reflects God’s truth, which means that you become angry when people don’t discover the truth about you either because they don’t take the time or because people have shared untruths about you.
What’s behind your anger
Because Type 5s are in the Head Center, you’re concerned with having and maintaining safety and security. You don’t go to anger first, instead your primary emotion is fear.
You fear that you won’t be able to function successfully in the world. From this root, spring fears of being helpless, incapable, not having all the information, and feeling out-of-control of your circumstances. You fear not being able to measure up. Deep down, you simply want to be capable and competent.
How you express your anger
As a way to get space between you and your anger, Type 5s suppress your emotions. However, you are not afraid to directly confront what’s got you upset. If your anger does manifest itself, it comes out as snippiness, yelling, crying or sarcasm.
How to process your anger in a God-centered way
1. When you feel anger pushing you toward isolation, use that as a cue to draw close to Christ. He sees your every need, knows how overwhelmed you feel, and will replenish your depleted emotional reserves.
2. It’s hard for your type to be disrespected so remember that God always respects you and is gentle with your heart. You want control for the instability you feel so ask God to remind you that He is unchanging, steadfast, and eternally loves you.
3. Spend time in silence knowing that the Holy Spirit will help keep you in check as you listen for His still, small voice.
Want to read more truth by someone who’s also a Type 5? Check out the sites of these fellow Type 5s and reviewers of this portion, Rebekah Llorens and Loretta Gjeltama.
Ready for a comprehensive, but easy-to-read resource about how your Enneagram type navigates anger, fear, goal-setting, and parenting? Then grab this e-book in The Shop. This resource is jam-packed with information, including healthy habits that are easy-to-implement.
“Enneagram Fives often struggle with emotion and feeling “enough,” which can make relationships difficult, including a relationship with God. If you find yourself feeling incapable of fully understanding or accepting God’s love for you, The Furious Longing of God by Brennan Manning is a book you should read post haste. Manning blends the intellectual and emotional as expertly as a musician blends theory and passion in a love song. Read it and be blessed!” – Donya Dunlap of donyadunlap.com
“As an Enneagram Five, you may appreciate art deeply, and yet your need to do things expertly keeps the world of art outside your grasp. If this sounds familiar, Emily Freeman wrote A Million Little Ways just for you. You may feel more comfortable burying your head in a textbook than plunging your hands into a pile of clay or flinging paint onto a canvas, but you can still learn to embrace the art that lives inside you. This book will lead you on a creative journey that will light your soul on fire. Prepare for it to become your new favorite book.” – Donya Dunlap of donyadunlap.com
“If you are like most Fives you feel things so deeply it scares you sometimes. And yet, you struggle to express those feelings to the world. Never fear – Ann Voskamp has done the work of exquisite expression for you in her book The Broken Way. You need only read it. Ann understands that you have big questions about God and grief and authentic relationships. She’ll remind you of God’s love for your questions and that big brain of yours. However, be careful to read it alone and with a box of tissue nearby as you may be surprised by the emotions rising to the surface. Even 5s need a good cry now and then.” – Donya Dunlap of donyadunlap.com
Your goal for Christmas is to avoid any overload and burnout, including drama and confrontation.
How you came to that goal: As a Type Five, you long for what makes you feel secure and competent. With all the unknowns at Christmas – Where will we sleep at my in-law’s house? How long do we have to stay at the company Christmas party? Am I supposed to bring a gift to the get-together? – it’s easy for this season to bring you stress.
What happens when you work to reach your goal: Because you want to have all the answers to every Christmas social situation, you may react in one of two ways: (1) isolate yourself or (2) say “yes” and then back out. It’s easy for you to cling to your routine so others may view you as being disinterested or disconnected. As you work to avoid overload, you may also suffer from analysis paralysis when it comes to buying gifts.
Three ways to have a healthy Christmas:
1. Ask your friend Jesus to give you wisdom about where to exert your time and energy. He knows you inside and out and will give you whatever you need out of His bountiful riches. God wants you not to just survive this season, but thrive in it!
2. Remember that it’s okay (and also necessary!) for you to schedule time alone.
3. God wired you to be an incredible observer. Take time to write down small details that showcase God’s goodness and provision for you in your life today.
BONUS: Check out the book A Million Little Ways by Emily P. Freeman.
Want to read more truth by someone who’s also a Type Five? Check out the sites of these fellow Type Fives and reviewers of this portion: Heather Fignar, Loretta Gjeltema, and Rebekah Llorens.
What Type Fives Fear: Your underlying fear that you won’t be able to function successfully in the world. From this root, spring fears of being helpless, incapable, not having all the information, and feeling out-of-control of your circumstances. Deep down, you simply want to be capable and competent.
Why You Fear: Type Fives often believe the lie that your worth is tied to your performance, specifically in having the right answers for every situation. This wrong belief may be rooted in negative messages heard from a parent or teacher, who said that you don’t have what it takes to be successful or that you aren’t good enough to warrant praise or love. (Written by Donya Dunlap)
How Your Fear Manifests Itself: Because of your fear, you withdraw from others so you can observe your environment and retreat into your own mind where you feel more capable. Emotionally, you withhold your energy, become angry at interruptions, and deflect your own needs. You may also analyze e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.
How to Help Work Through the Fear:
1. Remember that God is your shepherd so you always have everything you need. You lack nothing because Christ is in you.
2. Sit in silence. Being quiet brings clarity to your overactive mind, which is constantly on the prowl for solutions. The silence helps you let go of your compulsion of demanding answers and obsessively searching for more information.
3. Join a small group to practice so you can connect with others and share some of yourself.
Gift Philosophy: You love practical gifts, but truly, you aren’t really into stuff.
For a Five, gifts can feel inauthentic if both the giver and receiver don’t know each other well.
As a gift-giver, you love to give cash because you know your people will be able to get what they really want and you despise the pressure of finding the “perfect” gift. It also seems inauthentic to you to give a gift for the sake of giving a gift.
As a gift-receiver, you prefer practical (as you define “practical”) gifts given throughout the year and not because the gift-giver is obligated to buy you something for the holidays and your birthday. Also, as a Five, you’ve done quite a bit of research and know exactly what you want.
Gift ideas for every Enneagram Type Five: “Buy me something I’ll use and it doesn’t have to be at Christmas.”
Your deepest desire is for others to recognize your needs matter so gifts that address your physical, emotional, and spiritual gifts are special to you. You prefer items that you’ll use such as blankets, coats, journals, or electronics. And you’re totally fine if that gift isn’t given at Christmas, but when the other person is thinking of you. Gifts such as the undivided attention of others, small items (like coffee) that you would consider a splurge, and anything practical are welcome. You love gifts that support local artists and make your space beautiful.
Five-approved gift ideas include:
- Books. For spiritual growth books, go here. For parenting books, go here.
- A bookshelf.
- Exactly what you requested, down to the brand, make, model, item number.
- Any gift that addresses comfort and basic human needs, e.g. blankets, soap, food.
- Tools that help her pursue her interests.
No-No’s for those buying a Five a gift:
- Surprises. Nothing is worse for a Five than a surprise party, social engagement, or something not on his list.
- Superfluous stuff she doesn’t need like decorations, jewelry, bouquets, makeup, or perfume.
- Clothing. Your Five thinks a lot about what she wears and how it feels.
- Gifts he’ll have to maintain by dry-cleaning, watering, dusting, hand-washing, etc. Low-maintenance gifts are much preferred.
Reviewed by Heather Fignar, Loretta Gjeltema, and Rebekah Llorens.
How do you view goals? Investigators view goals as helpful, not as tasks to be rigidly accomplished. Goals (when they’ve been thoroughly researched) keep you from getting sidetracked by new ideas.
Do you set goals? You set smaller goals, ones that stretch you with effort, but you rarely establish one major goal. You, more than any other type, set attainable goals in light of your other responsibilities. However, Investigators run the risk of researching a goal to death if you’re not careful. You’re thoroughly versed not only in the goal but also in the best way to reach it.
How do you accomplish your goals? You accomplish your goals one step at a time. It’s easy for you to break a large task into smaller chunks. You research the best ways to do it, lose interest, then come back to it and realize there are now new ways to achieve it. This can cause slow progress.
How do goals make you feel? You feel amazing after you achieve a goal, but you won’t attempt anything that makes you feel incompetent or incapable. As writer Cari Jehlik said, “Goals set in our areas of knowledge and competence help give us direction, which is reassuring. However, if goals are set for us (such as at work) that stretch us too far, we can revert to our familiar realm of research and never actually attempt the goal.”
Healthy habits for the Investigator:
1. Trust your analytical and introspective nature as you continue to think through the big picture and what you’d like to achieve. Balance this trust with an awareness that you hide behind all your research.
2. Know that, sometimes, you might feel like an awkward, fumbling rookie, but that’s normal and 100% okay.
3. For bigger goals, go against the grain and share responsibility with another person even when you’d prefer to go it alone.
4. Set a goal or two that makes you stretch, a goal that makes you feel a tiny bit incompetent. It will be okay!
5. Remember that there’s always abundance with Christ—He’ll provide all you need. He goes before you and knows every step you’ll take.
The pandemic feeds into your world view that it’s best to be self-sufficient, that the world is a hostile + harsh place, and your home is your castle so it’s best to retreat there.
To a certain extent, you are living isolated because you’re not going anywhere and there are fewer demands for your time, but your people are depleting your energy reserves. You feel the most at peace when you have limited obligations and are on your own schedule, but that’s not your life right now.
You love collecting, organizing, and analyzing information and you certainly have a lot to plot, chart, and graph during this time.
To cope, you’re withdrawing into yourself, which can be helpful at times, but also unhealthy when you aren’t letting anyone into your emotional world.
The pandemic also gives you a tremendous opportunity to grow: to give God the time and space to remind you that you do need His love and the love of others. He is your faithful provider and wants you to know how many resources you do have — in Him and in your physical world.
Graciously reviewed by Leslie Traylor and Loretta Gjeltema.
Fives are all about information, knowledge, and wisdom. You view the world through the lens of scarcity, which causes you to store up items (“When might I need this again?”) or information and data (Let me guess: your Evernote and Dropbox accounts are full). Problem-solving and analytical thoughts fill your inner life.
Where You Shine in Parenting
As a mama, you critically think through your children’s problems and find books, resources, and experts to help you parent well. You’re a wonderful teacher. You instill in your child a love for learning and how to think outside the box. You excel at connecting with older kids.
Where You Struggle in Parenting
Because your mind moves at warp speed, you struggle to make connecting with your kids a priority. You also feel protective of your energy, which means you limit socializing, playgroups, Bible studies, etc. When you unnecessarily limit these social times, you miss the support and advice that comes with them, causing you to feel isolated and out-of-the-loop. You feel drained by the demands on your time, space, and energy, so parenting littles is especially hard for you.
Healthy Habits
- Sweet Five Mama, you have so much knowledge in your head. It’s important to remember that only God is omniscient, and He has every answer you crave (Psalm 139).
- Prioritize pockets of time for you to recharge. If possible, build alone time into your daily routine.
- When things don’t go as you planned or you can’t figure out a solution, take a deep breath and ask God for His wisdom.
Books for the Five Mama
- The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell
- The Enneagram of Parenting by Elizabeth Wagele