What stresses you out about Christmas? Is it trying to meet your expectations and those of others? Or maybe it’s trying to do All The Things so people will think you’re amazing? OR maybe you find Christmas stressful because you’re out of your routine and just hate at small talk?
Each Enneagram type has a different stressor during the holidays. So what is your big stress and how can you celebrate the birth of our Savior in a healthy way?
P.S. If you’re curious about what gifts to get people this Christmas, go here.
First, make sure you know your Enneagram type so start here. Then read about the stressors specific to your type and how each worry can lead you right into the arms of Christ.
You can also grab this free resource about what the Enneagram is, what it isn’t, and what you want to know about your personality type. Your Quick Start Guide to the Enneagram walks you through how to determine your type, what’s up with wings, and Enneagram resources you’ll want to check out.
Please know that I’m not an Enneagram expert, merely a lover of it. What I present to you is based on my own research from books like The Road Back to You + The Sacred Enneagram, websites like The Enneagram Institute and Your Enneagram Coach, and peer review from people of each type.
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As you read, note that when I write about each type’s “goal for Christmas,” I mean the unhealthy tendencies or “default mode” of each type. Each type’s “goal” is how that type responds if they’re on autopilot and at their most One-ness (or Five-ness or Seven-ness – you get it!).
Your goal for Christmas is for justice to be served at every gathering.
How you came to that goal: As a Type Eight, you are hyper-aware of injustice and are vigilant to protect others against it. When families get together, your radar is up and searching for any slight or offense that may need rectifying.
What happens when you work to reach your goal: Because you view yourself as the protector of others, you may be more likely to pick a fight during the holidays as old family patterns, history, and tendencies come back into play. You may even find yourself fighting battles that haven’t even happened yet. You’re likely to feel internal tension and to be more sensitive at this time of year causing you to not sleep well, eat poorly, and stop exercising. You may even find yourself more uncompromising and obstinate than usual.
Three ways to have a healthy Christmas:
1. Ask God to give you a generous and wise heart that sees people as He sees them instead of viewing others as potential attackers.
2. Remember to not assume motivations for others. You may go into Christmas ready for battle because you’re anticipating what people might say or do that seems unjust. Remember that your ultimate defender is Jesus Himself who knows your heart and the hearts of others.
3. Take care of yourself. You’re pretty amazing so don’t neglect yourself.
BONUS: Check out the book Restless by Jennie Allen.
Want to read more truth by someone who’s also a Type Eight? Check out the site of this fellow Type Eight and reviewer of this portion: Julie Walton and Angela Herrington.
Your goal for Christmas is to either do nothing or do everything at full speed.
How you came to that goal: As a Type Nine, you struggle with inertia: either wanting to avoid and withdraw from others or wanting to get it all done at the cost of being present with the people you love.
What happens when you work to reach your goal: Sometimes Christmas just feels like too much: too much food, too much togetherness, too much to do, and too many decisions to make. Because you want to be at peace and peace can’t be found in the chaos of Christmas activities, you tend to disconnect and become apathetic OR you overindulge in All The Things.
Three ways to have a healthy Christmas:
1. Ask your friend Jesus for the gift of awareness: awareness of your needs, the needs of others, and your need for Him.
2. Remember that you don’t have to opt-out or go all-in, you can move through Christmas at a moderate pace by doing what you enjoy.
3. Be present. Be aware of all the gifts God is giving you each day.
BONUS: Check out the book A Confident Heart by Renee Swope.
Want to read more truth by someone who’s also a Type Nine? Check out the site of this fellow Type Nine and reviewer of this portion: Jenny Cross.
Your goal for Christmas is for everything to go as you’ve planned.
How you came to that goal: As a Type One, you set very high standards although you wouldn’t necessarily label them as “high.” You just can’t imagine things going any other way than how you’ve envisioned.
What happens when you work to reach your goal: Type Ones want every event, meal, and gift to go well and be well received. When this doesn’t happen, you may grow frustrated, resentful, and bitter at yourself (for not meeting your own standards) and others (for their lack of appreciation). When others try to change plans or don’t go along with your ideas of how things should work, i.e. your very specific and organized plan to open presents, you may withdraw, sulk or get frustrated. You may also find yourself irritated when people don’t appreciate your efforts, but you’ll never show your irritation because it wouldn’t be the “right” thing to do.
Three ways to have a healthy Christmas:
1. Ask your friend Jesus to help you set realistic goals for yourself and others. He knows how much time, money, and emotional energy you have to spend.
2. Remember it’s okay to release your agenda of how Christmas “should” be. Ask those in your family what they’d like to experience and how they’d like to feel this Christmas. Their answers and the peace you experience of letting go of your expectations may surprise you.
3. Give yourself grace. You put so much pressure on yourself to keep all the plates spilling and all the people happy. Be kind to you and take time to enjoy who and what is right in front of you.
BONUS: Check out the book Essentialism
Want to read more truth by someone who’s also a Type One? Check out the sites of these fellow Type Ones and reviewers of this portion: Megan Ericson, Ally Castaldo, and Esther Littlefield.
Your goal for Christmas is to keep everyone happy.
How you came to that goal: As a Type Two, you love people – spending time with them, serving them, and loving on them. The flip side of this love for others is that you’d like your efforts to be noticed and appreciated.
What happens when you work to reach your goal: In an effort to keep everyone around you happy, you may spend more money, time, or emotional capacity than you have. You may also sabotage your own happiness because you’re so anxious about keeping others at peace. At the end of the holiday season, you feel ragged. You may also feel unseen or dismissed if others don’t notice how hard you worked to create a wonderful experience for them.
Three ways to have a healthy Christmas:
1. Ask your friend Jesus to help you know how and with whom you need to set boundaries. Boundaries on your time, money, and energy are your friend at Christmas time – and in every other season! It’s helpful to set boundaries in advance and with the input of a trusted friend or spouse.
2. Remember that you’re not responsible for keeping everyone happy because each person is responsible for their own happiness.
3. Pay attention to your energy level and your emotional health. Practice self-care throughout the holidays and every day after.
BONUS: Check out the book Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver.
Want to read more truth by someone who’s also a Type Two? Check out the sites of these fellow Type Twos and reviewers of this portion: Wendy Douglas, Heather Lobe, and Christine Rollings.
Your goal for Christmas is to curate activities and events to show others your wonderful Christmas memories.
How you came to that goal: As a Type Three, you love being viewed as Good Mom or Super Woman. Popularity and image are important to you.
What happens when you work to reach your goal: It’s easy for you to feel overwhelmed and exhausted in your attempt to look good. You may also get frustrated with loved ones who aren’t interested in doing all the activities you planned or outright rebel against doing them.
Three ways to have a healthy Christmas:
1. Ask your friend Jesus to help you put people first this Christmas. Ask Him to give you eyes to see where you may be hurting others when you focus on getting things done and being efficient.
2. Remember that it’s okay to make your own traditions that espouse your values even if what you’re doing isn’t trendy or Instagram-worthy.
3. Pay attention to how you feel after scrolling through social media. You may need to put Instagram and Facebook on pause during the holidays if you feel comparison taking over.
BONUS: Check out the book You are Free by Rebekah Lyons. Also, go here on how to stay sane on social.
Want to read more truth by someone who’s also a Type Three? Check out the sites of this fellow Type Three and reviewer of this portion: Rebecca Peet.
Your goal for Christmas is to create uniquely magical Christmas memories for you and your people.
How you came to that goal: As a Type Four, you are creative down to your bones so you love creating a unique and wonderful Christmas experience for your family and friends.
What happens when you work to reach your goal: On the way to create a special and amazing season, you may idealize moments about what Christmas should be, especially when those moments aren’t happening. You’re at risk of getting stuck in your feelings about all that’s happening so you may not get your to-do list done. You can become overwhelmed either because (1) you’ve said “yes” one too many times or because (2) you’ve agreed to participate in activities, bring food, or buy gifts when you don’t have the time, money, or energy to follow through. The holidays are a prime time to become jealous of others because you feel like everyone’s kids, decorations, gifts, and plans are better than yours.
Three ways to have a healthy Christmas:
1. Ask your friend Jesus to give you a heart of gratitude for the big and the small ways He’s provided for you.
2. Remember that it’s okay to take time to recharge. You’re not being selfish as you practice self-care. You’re simply giving the best you possible to others when you practice self-care.
3. Make room for both reflection and productivity – both are necessary this season. It’s easy to let your emotions dictate your agenda so have a pro-active plan in place so you both feel and do.
BONUS: Check out Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero. Also, go here on how to stay sane on social.
Want to read more truth by someone who’s also a Type Four? Check out the sites of these fellow Type Fours and reviewers of this portion: Kerry Campbell, Kaley Ehret, Carrie Beth Davis, and Melody Ward.
Your goal for Christmas is to avoid any overload and burnout, including drama and confrontation.
How you came to that goal: As a Type Five, you long for what makes you feel secure and competent. With all the unknowns at Christmas – Where will we sleep at my in-law’s house? How long do we have to stay at the company Christmas party? Am I supposed to bring a gift to the get-together? – it’s easy for this season to bring you stress.
What happens when you work to reach your goal: Because you want to have all the answers to every Christmas social situation, you may react in one of two ways: (1) isolate yourself or (2) say “yes” and then back out. It’s easy for you to cling to your routine so others may view you as being disinterested or disconnected. As you work to avoid overload, you may also suffer from analysis paralysis when it comes to buying gifts.
Three ways to have a healthy Christmas:
1. Ask your friend Jesus to give you wisdom about where to exert your time and energy. He knows you inside and out and will give you whatever you need out of His bountiful riches. God wants you not to just survive this season, but thrive in it!
2. Remember that it’s okay (and also necessary!) for you to schedule time alone.
3. God wired you to be an incredible observer. Take time to write down small details that showcase God’s goodness and provision for you in your life today.
BONUS: Check out the book A Million Little Ways by Emily P. Freeman.
Want to read more truth by someone who’s also a Type Five? Check out the sites of these fellow Type Fives and reviewers of this portion: Heather Fignar, Loretta Gjeltema, and Rebekah Llorens.
Your goal for Christmas is to keep your holiday anxiety and chaos to a minimum.
How you came to that goal: As a Type Six, you crave security in relationships and consistency, which makes Christmas with all it’s new routines, potentially awkward family get-togethers, obligations, and gift-buying stressful. You’re doing your best to keep your anxiety level low by doing all you can to stay in control.
What happens when you work to reach your goal: To keep your stress to a minimum, you work to control as much as you can. You may overly prepare for a party you’re hosting or plan for every conceivable worst-case scenario. In an attempt to avoid awkwardness, you research recipes, gifts, and hosting as much as possible. You feel the stress of trying to do All The Things well and you fear disappointing others so you often feel exhausted by the end of Christmas break.
Three ways to have a healthy Christmas:
1. Ask your friend Jesus to remind you that you are secure because you are in Him and He never changes. He made you, sees you, knows you, and is for you.
2. Remember that as much as you feel a need to plan, you are also allowed to rest. When you rest and stick to your boundaries, you show Christ to those around you.
3. Have fun! Christmas is the celebration of the birth of our Savior so rejoice in your real life: laugh, eat good food, or hang out with people who make you smile.
BONUS: Check out the book The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom.
Want to read more truth by someone who’s also a Type Six? Check out the sites of these fellow Type Sixes and reviewers of this portion: Erica Hearns, Abbie Rudibaugh, and Katie Carper.
Your goal for Christmas is to have as much fun as humanly possible doing All The Things.
How you came to that goal: As a Type Seven, you love having fun and spreading joy in all you do so Christmas can put you into overdrive. You can’t stand the idea of Christmas not being full of merriment and wonder every single second.
What happens when you work to reach your goal: As you strive for the most festive Christmas ever, you may leave yourself and others exhausted. If you’re not having a truly joyous Christmas, you may feel deprived, causing perfectionistic tendencies and a rare pessimism to come out. You may also be at risk for all-or-nothing thinking.
Three ways to have a healthy Christmas:
1. Ask your friend Jesus to show you what activities and the number of commitments are realistic for you and your family this season. He created you for joy and He won’t let you miss it. Trust that He’ll provide exactly what you need when you need it.
2. Remember to ask others what they’d like to do this season. It may not line-up with your long list of amazing activities, but it will lower the stress level in your house tremendously.
3. Enjoy the company of the people God has given you.
BONUS: Check out the book Holy Hustle by Crystal Stine.
Want to read more truth by someone who’s also a Type Seven? Check out the sites of these fellow Type Sevens and reviewers of this portion: Erin Camacho and Julie Holmquist.
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Spot on! Only 8s would love to NOT be in charge, our real goal is that there be justice and no one get mistreated. Often that means we feel like that only way for that to happen is us take charge, but we’d much rather someone else be in charge if that real goal can be met.
Leah, thank you so much for sharing. Each type has it’s own stressors and each one will lead us back to Christ. -jill
Well, you pegged me. I’m an individualist through and through. Every Christmas has to have an atmosphere of Christmas. I often stress about things not being “enough.” I didn’t listen to enough Christmas carols, didn’t take enough time to reflect on the meaning, didn’t spend enough time in the Word or prayer, not enough, never enough! Thank you so much for sharing.
Rachel, thank you so much for reading! That desire for things to be “enough” is so strong. May this Christmas be one where you know God’s grace and love is sufficient! -jill
This is fabulous, Jill. Thanks for putting so much work into it. So good for me to read my # and then that of my husband so that I can understand where goes coming from and make my own expectations more realistic by good self care!
Jodi, thank you so much for reading. It’s so helpful to understand how God wired us so we can take off the sin that entangles us and run the race before us! -jill
Right on the nose, Jill! As a strong 7 I always want to do the activities and make all the food… but I know I don’t need all that. This year I really scaled back and didn’t even take out the activity calendar. No feeling like I MUST DO _____________ or the world will end and Christmas will not be great. It’s been wonderful to slow down and be together.
Katie, that is soooo awesome! I am so proud of you. Congrats on knowing where you get tripped up and then planning accordingly. Good work sweet friend! -jill