As a guest on The Christian Woman Leadership Podcast, I was excited to talk with host Esther Littlefield about my leadership journey, and how women can receive God’s grace + rest in their God-given worth. The interview was fun because Esther is fun and I love talking with women about Jesus. But I had a hard time answering this question: “Jill, how did you learn to embrace how God wired you?”
I sighed.
I hadn’t.
All I could see were all the negatives of my personality: how I put task before people, how my personality type prefers a good image over authenticity, and how I’m quick to push aside my emotions instead of processing them. I could only see all the ways I’m failing and how everyone else has the All The Things I lack. It’s easy for me to think that I got the raw end of the personality deal.
Yet, my belief that my personality + wiring are faulty is not true.
What is true is every personality has its downsides. What is equally true is God made you in His image (Genesis 1:27), and He gave you a light to shine to show His glory. (Matthew 5:16).
Sweet friend, if you can only see the downsides of your personality, take heart. If you wish that you could be more like somebody else, there’s hope.
Because of Esther’s question, I went on a journey to discover how to embrace my wiring. And here’s what I learned.
You can learn to embrace how God wired you.
It starts by asking God these four questions.
1. “How am I wired?”
To embrace how God wired you, you must know how you’re wired. What are your strengths and weaknesses? Your anger triggers and joy givers? What lights you up and brings you down?
If you don’t know how you’re wired, start here. You can’t embrace how you’re wired until you know how God created you to make an impact in His kingdom.
2. “Who told me that?”
To embrace how God wired you, you must know the expectations you’re placing on yourself and let go of them by asking where you picked them up.
You have two types of expectations scrolling through your head right now: (1) internal and (2) external.
Your internal expectations sound like this, “I should be a better housekeeper/salesperson/business owner” or “A good mom would make every meal from scratch.” Your internal expectations come from your inner critic and harp on areas where you feel insecure. These expectations remind you of all the things you feel you’re not. If you’re ready to rid yourself of your inner critic, go here for the 5-Day Inner Critic Challenge where you will learn to identify the voice of your inner critic and lower her volume.
Your external expectations sound like this, “Mom, you need to come play with me RIGHT NOW” or “Our family always celebrates the holiday this way. So what dish will you bring?” Your external expectations come from others. These expectations seem to push other’s values and agendas onto you. Then you feel guilty when you’re not meeting expectations you don’t even care about. While you can’t rid your life of those who drive you crazy, you can have a lovingly clear conversation about what both sides want.
To embrace who you are, you need to let go of expectations. But how?
Ask these questions, “God, who told me that I needed to do or be all these things? Loving Father, are You asking me to meet these standards? If not, where are these standards coming from? Will you show me a grace-filled way to handle these expectations.”
God is faithful to answer your questions. He’ll gently show you the plans He has for you so you can let go of the expectations placed on you.
3. “Where can I find community?”
To embrace how God wired you, you need community. Being in a community of God-centered, Christ-loving people offers two benefits:
(1) others will call out gifts they see in you that you don’t see in yourself, and
(2) you’ll see in real-time how the body of Christ fits together so you can see your place in it.
To embrace who you are, find people who challenge, encourage, and love you. In community, you’ll have a chance to use your gifts and skills to benefit the Church so you know that how you’re wired is exactly what God’s kingdom needs.
4. “God, will You reveal to me what You see in me?”
To embrace how God wired you, ask the One who created you to show you what He sees in you so that you can quit playing the comparison game.
You compare. I compare. We all compare ourselves to each other. Comparison is the strategy your enemy uses to get your eyes off how you can use your gifts to build God’s kingdom.
Fellow sisters in Christ, you do not have time for that. Instead, keep your eyes on Jesus and the race He put right in front of you so you do what He’s asked you to do.
To stop comparing, ask God to reveal the special gifts He’s given you, the dreams He’s planted inside of you, and the injustice that He wants you to help solve. God will reveal to you what He sees in you.
You can embrace how God wired you.
Sweet friend, discover how God wired you. Lose expectations that aren’t meant for you. Find a God-centered community. Ask God to show you how He sees you.
When you take time to dig into who God created you to be, you’ll have peace, God’s kingdom will grow, and God gets all the glory.
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