How you’re letting self-control replace your Savior

I’ve heard a lot of flawed suggestions for correcting behavior. One piece of advice in particular has plagued me for years. Bob Newhart said it, and my inner critic whispers it in my ear. Watch the video below, and you’ll see what I mean.

Conventional wisdom says that if we have a problem, we should just stop doing the thing that causes us the problem. I guess that could work in some cases, like, oh, speeding…but what about the bigger issues?

How do we just stop:

• Yelling at our kids when we feel overwhelmed and overtired?
• Pushing the blame onto others while not accepting our own responsibility?
• Eating the third piece of cake when we know it’s not good for us?
• Feeling jealous when we hear about her upcoming vacation, her promotion, or her honor-roll son?

“Just stop it” is a war cry for self-control, but our struggles go far deeper than external behavior. If our problems were superficial, “just stop it” would work every time. But we know that this isn’t the case.

Our problems are more than skin deep.

Our problem is that we have a heart issue called sin. As Lauren F. Winner writes in Girl Meets God, “Because sin is a state, not simply a collection of misdeeds, there can be no atonement without Christ’s bearing our sin for us on the Cross.” (The FCC requires that I tell you that I’m an Amazon Affiliate, which means I earn a bit of commission on each sale. But don’t worry there’s no added cost to you!)

Sin isn’t merely the bad things we think, say, and do—it’s who we are, a condition woven into our DNA, and we’re in desperate need of rescue.

Our self-control is no match for our sin.

Our willpower is not without merit. We do need self-control, but as John Townsend and Henry Cloud write in Boundaries , “If we depend on willpower alone, we are guaranteed to fail. We are denying the power of the relationship promised in the cross.”

Self-control becomes an idol revolving around our actions. We take pride in our self-discipline and success over temptation, so we pity those who can’t keep it together like we do.

Willpower whispers that we don’t need to trust in Jesus because we’ve got it taken care of…except we don’t.

Our sinfulness demands a Savior.

Our sinfulness requires someone outside of us to rescue us. So Jesus, the Perfect Lamb, came to earth to seek and save the lost (Luke 19:10), to die upon the cross and make atonement for the world’s sins (1 Peter 3:18), and to defeat the works of Satan (1 John 3:8).

And here’s more good news: “It is impossible for your sin to be greater than His grace. There is more grace in Him than sin in you.” (BSF Romans Lesson 9) Our sinfulness doesn’t negate His goodness and grace, rather, it propels Him toward us while the cross leads us straight to Him.

Self-control can’t do this for us. Neither can doing more and trying harder. Leaning on your own willpower doesn’t lead to peace or hope or sanctification.

Amazing grace is what saves us. No amount of resoluteness or certitude can redeem us. We need something far stronger.

Our souls don’t need more determination—they need a deliverer.

Our souls have struggled with wanting to do it on our own for thousands of years. Paul wrote these words to the church at Colossae because they were such big fans of willpower:

“So why do you keep on following the rules of the world, such as, ‘Don’t handle! Don’t taste! Don’t touch!’? Such rules are mere human teachings about things that deteriorate as we use them. These rules may seem wise because they require strong devotion, pious self-denial, and severe bodily discipline. But they provide no help in conquering a person’s evil desires.” (Col. 2:20–23, NLT)

I’m pretty sure that the Bible just told me that self-control won’t cut it. Here’s why: when we focus on external behavior, we move away from the heart of the gospel. And the gospel is, as Timothy Keller so beautifully summarizes, the truth that “You are more sinful than you believe and more loved than you will ever know.”

Our souls aren’t saved by “Stop it” but by “It is finished.”

Our souls don’t need the advice of Bob Newhart or what our enemy whispers. Our souls—the ones that yell at our kids, blame our spouse, tell us food’s the answer, and relentlessly compare—only need to hear these three simple words, “It is finished,” not two syllables of oversimplified advice.

This Easter season, will you quit trying to pull yourself together, to correct your own behavior all by your try-hard self, to wage a battle you can’t possibly win? And will you, instead, lay your struggles, your heartaches, and your hurts at the foot of the cross, which has the power to save? This try-hard girl is rooting with you each step of the way.

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