Nines, your superpower is scanning the surface for tension and doing what you can to keep everything right in the world. Your motto is “Go with the flow because my presence or opinions don’t matter.”
Your one powerful underlying motivation is living a peaceful life. Your mindset of “peace at all costs” means you go to sleep to the person God created you to be in order to maintain connection and status quote.
But when you are healthy and whole, you radiate God’s peace.
You can also grab this free resource about what the Enneagram is, what it isn’t, and what you want to know about your personality type. Your Quick Start Guide to the Enneagram walks you through how to determine your type, what’s up with wings, and Enneagram resources you’ll want to check out.
Please know that I’m not an Enneagram expert, merely a lover of it. What I present to you is based on my own research, feedback from men and women of each type, and peer review. If you learn better through audio, take a listen to this Grace In Real Life podcast interview with Enneagram Nine Karen Gauvreau.
All Things Nine
Here’s the basic foundation you need to understand about yourself or about the Nines in your life. In this post, we cover what arouses anger in a Nine, books for spiritual growth, what causes you stress at Christmas, your biggest fear, gift ideas, goal-setting, parenting, and what the pandemic of 2020 has been like for you.
What Nines believe
You believe that you aren’t important or don’t have much to offer when nothing could be further from the truth.
Where Nines struggle
You struggle with indecision and procrastination. You may have preferences in daily life and small details, but big-picture decisions are hard for you to share. You never want to hurt anyone’s feelings, so you keep your true feelings tucked deep down inside. You would rather not share what’s rumbling around in your heart than lose a friendship.
What makes you angry
Type Nines don’t get angry often. In fact, you rarely experience or feel your anger. If, and when, you get angry, your trigger is not feeling valued. Not being valued looks like being interrupted, taken advantage of, nagged, criticized, or ignored. You also notice when others have been treated disrespectfully.
A Type Nine Elaine Junge said that what makes her mad are actions like… “criticism of any kind, but especially from loved ones. Conflict and being unable to fix things, find things, or make things whole in any way.” Because God’s peace and community are wired in you, your anger is activated when you see a lack of value and respect.
What’s behind your anger
Because Type Nines are in the Body Center, you are concerned with having and maintaining control and power. While other types may react to situations because of fear or shame, your type often feels anger.
How you express your anger
Type Nines seem the calmest and relaxed, but your anger is there, just stuffed down deep. You suppress your anger because you believe connection and unity will be disrupted if you express what you feel. You prefer to bottle up your anger instead of expressing it directly. If your anger does come out (and it may be a delayed response), it manifests itself as passive-aggressive behavior, crying, blowing up at another, a biting response, or quiet resentment.
How to process your anger in a God-centered way:
1. Ask God to remind you that your feelings, including anger, are important, and that it’s healthy to express your emotions in a God-honoring way.
2. Because Type 9s can “merge” so easily with others and believe that the feelings of others are your own, ask God to give you clarity of mind so you can react in a God-centered way and one that is true to you.
3. Take some time to pinpoint your triggers and be intentional to come up with a plan to work through them in advance. This might look like setting expectations for yourself and others before a potential confrontation sets in.
Want to read more truth by someone who’s also a Type Nine? Check out the sites of these fellow Type Nines and reviewers of this portion: Jessica Wolstenholm, Laura Fox, and Patricia Marshall.
“Dr. Henry Cloud’s 9 Things You Simply Must Do to Succeed in Love and Life is a great read for Enneagram Nines. He gives practical steps to help us uncover our desires and take a proactive approach in life, particularly in conflict and difficult situations. This is particularly helpful for anyone who finds themselves often falling asleep to their own hopes and dreams or merely reacting to other people’s whims and decisions. This book will help you live life as a healthy Nine who brings peace and stability to relationships and situations, without sacrificing your individual identity and opinions.” – Laura Austin of heymrsaustin.com
“Enneagrams Nines have a hard time with conflict and aren’t always aware of our own wants and desires. Our desire to avoid conflict can extend not only to people but also to God. We can often feel afraid to ask Him for what we really want because if we don’t get it, it would mean being in potential conflict with the Lord and that would feel devastating for a Nine. Sacred Rhythms is an invitation to acknowledge that we all have desires and that we can bring them before the Lord, our desires are safe with Him and the spiritual disciplines are tools that can help us explore the deepest longings of our hearts.” – Zohary Ross of zoharyross.com
“If you’re an Enneagram NIne, you long for there to be harmony among the people around you, and also peace within yourself. A Confident Heart by Renee Swope will help you journey toward peace and confidence in your identity, your thought life, and your faith so that you can be a proactive peacemaker for yourself and for others, and faithfully pursue all that God has called you to do.” – Jenn Soehnlin of embracing.life
Your goal for Christmas is to either do nothing or do everything at full speed.
How you came to that goal: As a Type Nine, you struggle with inertia: either wanting to avoid and withdraw from others or wanting to get it all done at the cost of being present with the people you love.
What happens when you work to reach your goal: Sometimes Christmas just feels like too much: too much food, too much togetherness, too much to do, and too many decisions to make. Because you want to be at peace and peace can’t be found in the chaos of Christmas activities, you tend to disconnect and become apathetic OR you overindulge in All The Things.
Three ways to have a healthy Christmas:
1. Ask your friend Jesus for the gift of awareness: awareness of your needs, the needs of others, and your need for Him.
2. Remember that you don’t have to opt-out or go all-in, you can move through Christmas at a moderate pace by doing what you enjoy.
3. Be present. Be aware of all the gifts God is giving you each day.
BONUS: Check out the book A Confident Heart by Renee Swope.
Want to read more truth by someone who’s also a Type Nine? Check out the site of this fellow Type Nine and reviewer of this portion: Jenny Cross.
What Type Nines Fear: Your underlying fear is being separated from others. From this root, spring fears of loss, unresolved conflict, relational tension, expressing your own ideas/dreams/opinions, and saying “no.” Deep down, you simply want to feel wholly at peace.
Why You Fear: Type Nines often believe the lie that you are what you do, and what you do is keep everything swimming along. Somewhere along the way, you picked up the message that your wants, opinions, needs, and dreams don’t matter.
How Your Fear Manifests Itself: Because of your fear, you are the most likely of all the types to self-forget: you “forget” your own priorities, thoughts, and goals. You may disengage from people and your emotions instead of participating or engaging in confrontation and conversation. It’s also hard for you to get started on projects because you’re deflecting your own priorities and get distracted by whatever comes up at the moment. You can be passive-aggressive, ambivalent, and have trouble making decisions. Type 9s want to believe that all is well, and as a result, you may end up engaging in numbing behaviors like getting really busy/distracted or binge-watching Netflix or withdrawing from others.
How to Work Through the Fear:
1. Remember that God sees you, and your life very much matters to Him. He placed you here for a reason and He can’t wait to see how you’ll bring glory to His kingdom.
2. Practice stillness. This discipline allows you to be present to God and to learn how to show up when you’d rather opt-out. Bring all you avoid into the presence of Christ and ask Him to reveal to you how aware He is of you.
3. Find an app or organizational system that allows you to stay on task. It’s easy to be pulled multiple directions as a peacemaker. A good task-management system will help you stay focused on what you need to do today and what your life-long priorities and goals are, without the influence of the requests of others.
**Would you like a free printable of these three spiritual practices? Just go here.**
Want to read more truth by someone who’s also a Type Nine? Check out the sites of these fellow Type Nines and reviewers of this portion: Jenn Collins, Linda Berkery, and Jenny Cross.
Gift Philosophy: You don’t have one.
Nines are not in unity on how they feel about gifts, which is totally fine because there’s a lot for the Nine to consider and feel ambivalent about. Of all Enneagram types, the Nine response to gifts varies the most. As one Type Nine articulated, “We don’t want to upset someone else by giving them a gift they don’t love and we also don’t want the pressure to love a gift that we’re receiving.”
As a gift-giver, you worry that you didn’t buy the “right” gift or you may love showering your people with love so gift-giving is your favorite.
As a gift-receiver, you worry that you didn’t get the item you most (secretly) wanted and now you have to pretend you like it. You may also love every gift because it meant that the people closest to you shared their love through a gift.
Gift ideas for every Enneagram Type Nine: “Something I mentioned but don’t need.”
You deeply want to be known, but you don’t want to overtly, directly express what you need. You may not even know what you need/want OR you may want everything!
Nine-approved gift ideas include:
- Time alone, guilt-free and totally convenient for all parties.
- A hand-written note that affirms his presence, importance, and value.
- Help with a project she’s been putting off.
- Comforting items like blankets, candles, yummy food, fuzzy socks.
- Any item (book or resource) that will help make the world a better place.
No-No’s for those buying a Nine a gift:
- Cheesy, mass-produced gift sets
- Extravagant or flashy gifts that cost a lot of money, but show that you really don’t know your Nine at all
- Clothing
- Big-box store gifts are less preferred than homemade gifts or something from a small business.
Reviewed by Natalie Hilton and Christina Sachtleben.
How do you view goals? Peacemakers typically aren’t big fans of goals, but you may need them to get things done. If someone else’s goals intersect with yours, you may unintentionally merge with their priorities and forget your own. Goal setting reminds you of what’s important to you so that you can stay on track.
Do you set goals? Yes, however, you could have a hard time identifying your goals because you may be asleep to your own desires. You may also be a slow-starter or procrastinate in working toward your goals because you tend to get distracted by what others are doing. For you, momentum and follow-through are hard to maintain.
How do you accomplish your goals? Slowly…you’d rather keep the peace and meet the needs of others than push a goal through. The good news is that, once you begin to move forward, that positive momentum carries you to accomplish beautiful work!
How do goals make you feel? You feel one of two ways: pressured to keep up or disappointed because you didn’t. You may also question whether your needs are important enough to act on.
Healthy habits for the Peacemaker:
1. Start by asking God to reveal your passion and dreams. Identify the one thing that matters to you, and share it with a friend.
2. Take one step, then the next—don’t get overwhelmed by all the steps yet to come.
3. Give yourself grace when your goal takes longer to achieve than you thought, and celebrate small victories along the way.
4. Accountability is key for you to stay motivated. Find a trusted friend or mentor, speak out your needs and ask them to hold you accountable for the goals you’ve set.
5. Remember that Jesus gave you talents and gifts to share, not to hide. He can’t wait for you to use them because He knows the world needs you and your gifts.
Extra resources for the Peacemaker:
You love connection and, boy, are you getting a chance to connect during this season! You are excellent at giving support and you love being with your people.
While you are experiencing unprecedented access, time, and memory-making with your people, but you feel the tension rising as your people argue, fight, and complain. Tension you could live without.
To cope with this tension, you forget your own preferences and plans so you can focus on your people, which means there’s harmony and comfort, even if it’s a false connection.
You would rather have a false peace than tension any day of the week. You are neglecting yourself at a time when self-care is essential.
This is also a time of tremendous growth for you spiritually. God grows us through change and adversity and you have an opportunity to share your preferences and express your anger knowing your people still love you. It may be awkward, but in the end, working through what’s frustrating you will be worth all the effort and deeper connection you crave.
Graciously reviewed by Melanie Zeeb, Karen Gauvreau, and Abigail Calvin.
Nines are all about being collected, understanding, and gentle. You possess the incredible ability to see every side of a situation. However, this gift makes it difficult for you to form your own opinion. When your peace is rattled, anger rises to the surface, seemingly out of nowhere, leaving you embarrassed and stuffing your emotions down even further.
Where You Shine in Parenting
As a mama, you are attentive, tender, loving, and fun. You instill in your children a sense of safety because you strive for a peaceful home. Because of your Nine-ness, you offer empathy and a listening ear. You also stay calm in emotional whirlwinds (a la toddlers, tweens, and teens).
Where You Struggle in Parenting
Because you love peace, you easily overlook offenses and behaviors which need addressing. You have a low tolerance for chaos, which is hard when you parent little people and their LEGOS. You’re prone to anger, even though you’d never call yourself an Angry Mom. Enforcing boundaries feels impossible because you want your children to be peaceful and happy, which they won’t be when consequences are put in place. You also struggle with speaking up when you need help (you don’t want to rock the boat!) then turn resentful when no one offers to assist you.
Healthy Habits
- Sweet Nine Mama, you love peace, and Jesus is peace. It’s important to go to Christ with your worries, to give Him thanks, and to allow His incomprehensible peace to wash over you (1 Peter 5:6-7).
- Ask God to show you where you’re settling for false peace instead of receiving God’s true peace.
- Ask God to teach you to accept the fact that not everyone will be—or needs to be—happy all the time. Your children may get upset when you enforce a consequence or confront them on behavior you won’t tolerate, and that’s okay.
Books for the Nine Mama
- The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel Siegel
- Bringing up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman